You are cordially invited to a train wreck

Bill Engvall said that he had a guy drive a car that Bill had for sale and then grab the tailpipe. You know the rest, "Damn that's hot!", here's your sign.

I am 51 years old and people still amaze me.

Why do people get tattoos that have stupid sayings? "Country Girl", "Hot Mama", and tribal etchings are much less useful across a girls back than a well printed checker board.

My wife is OK with the fact that I don't have her name on my neck. I don't wear my children's names, maybe I should get a tattoo that has their birthdays, but I never forget their names.

I work with a guy, that if his tattoos were done with a Sharpie it would have taken at least 3.

When I do see a really neat tattoo all I can think about is, would I want to pick a wallpaper for my bathroom that I could never change? Well no I would not.

What is with pierced noses, cheeks, lips, and don't get me started on nipples. Sometimes I get in a hurry in the shower, and I know that I would have to slow down for all of that.

But the biggest thing that I can't figure is how we as a culture have such a disposable attitude toward marriage. And most have got to be caused by people who just didn't stop to think about how permanent it is. Sure you can get out of it but it leaves a mark.

Not being the smartest guy on the planet has it's limitations. But why are people in a hurry to get married if they are convinced that it will last forever.

Colder showers would help. I know that there are exceptions, but not all that many. And don't tell me that living together first would help, the statistics don't support that.

One of the scariest decisions of my life was to have children. People now seem to not even consider that having a kid is a hell of a lot of work and more expensive than owning a boat. Not to mention that they make a lot of noise.

Sure they can be fun and cute at first, but when you don't train them you soon forget all of that. Visiting the kids at the reform school can't be much fun. Why don't you control yourself until you are willing to spend the next 20 years teaching the little animal how to be a human.

What is with people wearing their pants so I can see their underwear? I don't understand that. Anyone that knows me, knows that I can't run very fast, but I can outrun anyone with their pants around their ankles. If you want to look tough you have to be able to fight with both hands and nobody looks tough in their underwear.